When I talk about sexuality, I’m talking about what I used to be

Been watching Bill Johnson preaching on sexual sin in the church.  Firstly, let me just say what an amazing sermon this is.  To see someone prepared to stand up and preach on a topic which most Pastors would shy away from is refreshing but more importantly what he covers is amazing.  He handles the topic with love and truth and for me his explanations are no nonsense and simple to understand.

In a nutshell, Bill explains that we live in a society where we are destroying the concept of a “Creator”.  As such we then destroy the issue of how we are designed, if there is no creator then there is no argument for us being designed in a specific way.  If you remove the issue of design then you remove purpose, what is our purpose?   And finally, if we have no purpose, we have no accountability, fear of God has been demolished. 

Believing in God brings fear of God and that draws us affectionately to the Lord giving us a desire to walk in absolute obedience


When I talk about sexuality, in reality I’m talking about me and what I used to be, what I want to say to you is simple when I say it in my mind, but I kind of find that when I talk to you, my words get skewed, now I don’t mean to be rude but I feel that’s cos you don’t believe that God is real and when faced with someone who’s erased God from the planet then how can I explain that God designed me, you see I believe that God designed me perfectly, it was me who got it completely screwed, me who pursued this lifestyle and OK it took a while for me to see that I was hiding from reality, I jumped in with both feet because at that time I couldn’t be what God chose me to be, I was damaged goods, unable to see what was so good about God’s design, but over time I came to see that God designed me to be me and by that I mean he wanted me to be free, free from the sin and free from the shame that held me in a place of pain, he revealed his love to me, he has a job for me, a job that is perfectly aligned to my capability, finally, a purpose, my purpose to live the life God wants for me, obediently living a life free of sin, accountable for my behaviour and loved affectionately by my Saviour, you see I get it, God is my creator and better late than never I got that he is greater than anything I choose to be, my identity no longer in my sexuality, freedom secured through his sacrifice, my life bought, assured of God’s love and forgiveness, I’m not religious just someone keen to witness to the difference God has made to me, his outrageous love and compassion smashing the myth that God is aloof or judgmental, establishing that God sees potential in all humanity, his love breaking down barriers, radically establishing justice and decency because with God there’s no hate only factuality, and see, here’s one fact you are failing to see, God created you and he created me, we are created, designed to his blueprint, his fingerprint’s all over me, my purpose to serve him in totality, to turn from my sin in accountability and find out what it means to finally be free, Satan has lost his grip on me now I see I was created and designed by God above and through my obedience I have been redeemed by his love.

Transformed to Transform

So I have been writing over the last few days about feeling that God has a calling for me and I am now ready to reveal what this is!

As my Blog followers will know I have been on an incredible journey since being called out of the Gay Lifestyle and as such I felt drawn to help support others in my position.  I am passionate about engaging the Gay community in love and truth and for “prodigals”, people like me who grew up hearing about God but turned away because they felt their sexuality separated them God, that they could not be loved or accepted.

I have started a website and new Blog   https://transformedtotransform.wordpress.com/ and would love you to visit and recommend this to friends, family, church family and anyone with an interest in evangelising, supporting and caring for those who are feeling broken and unloved by God.

I feel this is just the start and pray that God will bless this website mightily to reach others and I thank God for your support and love in this venture.

Come running now Prodigal, all will be forgiven

I was reading the parable of the Lost (Prodigal) Son (Luke 15) and thinking about “Prodigals”, people like me who grew up in church to Christian parents but who somehow got lost along the way.  Something seemed more important, more exciting, more attractive than the Christian faith or something came along that seemed to be an insurmountable obstacle to them continuing in their faith.  For me it was my sexuality, something that at the time I thought I could never speak to God about and something that I thought I could never address.  But here I am now 35 years on and back with God, and this parable speaks to me in two ways.

  1. How much I personally mean to Jesus how he celebrated when I gave my life to him, how he was filled with compassion for me as I struggled through life yet he never yielded, never gave up on me, never compromised his word yet gave me the strength and the desire to obey him and turn to him.
  2. That there is absolutely nothing that can separate us permanently from God, whatever our story, wherever we have gone with our lives he is ready to forgive us and help us move forward in him, never feel that you are too far gone or too far from God, there is absolutely nothing that he will not forgive 
  • Romans 8:38-39 – For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
  • Luke 15:20: – But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms round him and kissed him.
  • Luke 15:32 – But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.


“Mercy”, a second chance, “Grace” when God turns his face and celebrates your return, never mind what you’ve done, just come home, your God has been protecting you while you are lost, you’re not alone, he’s calling you home, no matter how far you’ve wandered, scattered to the ends of the earth your Father will meet you with open arms, come running now Prodigal, all will be forgiven and God will give you the strength to move on, to leave the past where it belongs, to cast off your coat of shame, call out his name, the name above all names, Jesus claimed you long before the earth began, it doesn’t matter that you ran just that you see he wants you back, will kill the fatted calf, celebrate on your behalf when you return to his fold, no matter how young or how old you are now he restores the years eaten away, make today your day, a day of jubilation, make this the day you kick out the past and become God’s new creation.

God’s word was given to change the sinner

When you cry out to God he answers, like really answers and I find that so comforting and awesome rolled into one!  I was talking intently to God yesterday, all to do about my past, my choices and how difficult I found it sometimes to walk this path.  For those who read my Blog regularly my battle with Homosexuality is well documented, every so often the devil pokes his nose in and just taunts me, is this what God really wants for you, are you sure he needs you to take this path etc.  He may do this in my head or use others (Christians included) to plant the seed of doubt (so some say “do you really need to give it up, surely God still loves you”) and I was earnestly seeking God’s help and guidance on whether I had made the right choice – so here is the reference he gave me:

Matthew 7:13-14 – ‘Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

OK God, I get it, so the choice I made is right and from you, but you never said it would be easy so I’ve got to kind of stop allowing others to get at me, got to get my head straight, trust you, have faith that this is your path for me and move forward head held high.

Ephesians 5: 8-10 – For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.

Ephesians 6:10 10 – Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.


This is the way, find the gate to life and stay on that path, it’s the road less travelled, the narrow path, not easy to negotiate but always right, moving from darkness to light, and I may not understand now but I will, I will learn God’s purpose, he loves us and as we follow his commands he commands our lives, I believe, I receive, so I figure out what pleases God and then just do it, not always easy but worth it, keeping the momentum going, showing others the love of God, the changes in my heart as I walk his path remembering that his great power is behind me, my strength comes from him who saved me, Holy Spirit guide me to the truth for God’s word was given to change the sinner, not the sinner to change God’s word to suit their sin, God I let you in and I gave you my heart, set me apart from those who choose the highway to hell, let all rest well with me as I pursue your way, as I earnestly seek you day by day, calm my thoughts, protect my mind, hedge me in both from the front and behind, remind me of your great sacrifice, no matter how hard the road ahead I pledge my life, no longer dead to your amazing grace but trusting, believing and running your race.

God is showing you that he wants to save you

Been talking to God about a closer walk with him, partially driven by a book I am reading where the author has some amazing encounters with God and partially driven by my desire to serve God in a tangible and fruitful way. I so desire to hear from God, to really know his desires for my life, to walk even more closely with him every day:

Hebrews 3:7 – So as the Holy Spirit says today if you hear his voice….

I have a strong faith and then I read about the faith of others, where God speaks directly to them, tells them a message to give to others and think WOW that’s amazing, would I have the nerve, the faith to pass on a message from God, particularly if it’s a difficult message for that person to receive?  I have been praying for Spiritual growth and talking to God particularly about hearing from him, I so desire to be used in that way and this morning the verse he gave me was Hebrews 3:7 just that one isolated verse, if/when I hear his voice, am I ready?  But then as I looked into Hebrews 3 more I was drawn to verses 12 and 13 and just felt that this was what I should be blogging about today.

See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today’, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

“Sin’s deceitfulness” how often in the last year has this crossed my mind in various forms but often in relation to sexuality, how many people out there read the Bible and then say, but it’s OK being gay was different then, God understands and allows it now, it’s not clear in the Bible, Jesus never said, don’t worry I don’t think Jesus minds you being gay and so on.  Yes the enemy is the master of deceit and I feel drawn to challenge and support those whose hearts are hardened to the truth of the Bible, the truth of God’s word so that they too can be saved and have this amazing relationship with God.


Listen to God, listen and hear, I implore you not to turn a deaf ear or interpret his words in a way that protects you from fear, it won’t draw you nearer to God when you clear your mind of every verse or word that defines your actions as sin, when you fail to let him in because that sin of yours is causing you some worry, don’t hurry through the chapters that are challenging you, read them with a prayerful attitude, allow God to speak, allow God to explain, he doesn’t want to cause you pain but if you refrain from taking action and addressing the sin then you’re not really letting him in and when he’s not in your heart then you are apart, you are separated from God, from God who loves you so immensely, he created you, made you, nurtured and treasured you, hold fast in confidence, God is showing you that he wants to save you, he wants you to hear his inner voice and he needs you to listen, don’t come at this with a hard heart, closed ears and hands over your eyes so you don’t have to see, come at this with openness to receive all the great things he has in store for you, no unbelief, no trips, no slips or falls, today will never come again and God offers you blessings, he is your friend and I want to encourage you to pray about this every day, as long as it is called today there is an opportunity to say enough to your sin, and yes it’s tough to turn away from behaviour we’ve relied on every day but nothing is so tough that God can’t overcome, some of us were deceived by the enemy, believed the truth in his lies thrown out through jealousy of what he cannot offer, he thrills to deceive, God thrills to give, to provide, to redeem and God gives you freedom beyond all comprehension, Jesus died for your salvation so I urge you to turn your back on things that keep you apart from God’s love, and above all things I want you to know the love that I know from God, to know how it feels when he reveals his true self to you, to feel the weight of shame released from your body, no longer a nobody, God’s made you a somebody if you’ll only seize that opportunity.

Just say No, easier said than done in an age where worldly pleasures are celebrated

Was praying this morning and have been praying for a while about my calling and how God wants to use me and God gave me Titus 2.  I read this through a couple of times and found it a bit odd, like here I am an ex “Gay” woman reading about teaching right and wrong to women and men in their Christian lives, almost felt like giving a lesson in good marriage practices which I am not qualified to do.  However, read again a couple of times and verses 11 – 14 came out at me:

Titus 2 11-14- For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope – the appearing of the glory of our great God and Saviour, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

So this was more me, I know that God called me out of ungodliness and worldly passions, I know about this and am passionate about my story because I believe it’s a story that can help others come to know God, I believe that the Bible is our guide and our tool for living and want to help others struggling with their lives to see that God loves them regardless, God gave himself to save us and no-one is beyond his help, no-one is exempt, he loves us all, we just need to see that and turn to him for help in changing, he will do the rest.


Just say No, easier said than done in an age where worldly pleasures are celebrated, where some interpret the Bible to suit their current situation not reading into the depths of God’s word, but turning the word to suit their desires, not seeking 100%  to live upright lives or at least lives that would be pleasing to God but twisting his words or shying away from those verses that just may cause concern or make them just that little bit uncomfortable, like verses that cover sexual behaviour, immoral practice and I have lost track of those who say being gay is only wrong in the Old Testament, like HELLO, just say no, I get that it’s hard I live by the sword and every day face battles and temptations but with God on my side he’s given me my redemption, he gives you the power and the strength of mind to continue the fight, he will not give you more than you can handle so step up to the mantle, read the Bible yes both Old and New Testament, your time reading a valuable investment as you wait for the blessed hope, you know the saying give yourself enough rope and you’ll hang yourself, take your bible off the bookshelf, pray to God that you can be true to self, he will show you the way it’s all there in his word, I pray that you will see the light and understand how you can live your life right, it’s not easy and may sound glib when I write just say no, I know, I really know but once I recognised it was the right way to go God showed me how, he paved the way he gave me mentors and friends who stay right by me, help me and guide me and would God lie to me, he seeks the best for me and has made it abundantly clear in his word that I must say no, die to self and rise with Jesus, his promise of eternal life enough for me, his sacrifice a plus for me cos I was dead to all he offered me until I stepped out of the sinful me, gave my heart completely to God above and felt his amazing, unearned love, God came to redeem us from all wickedness, to purify us, are you eager to do what is good, to serve him as you know you should?

Every word of God is flawless

Been thinking more about God calling me out from the gay lifestyle and how I can maybe reach others with his message of love and hope.  At first I thought maybe the message he had for me to give was for other gay people but I feel that he wants to talk to his children, his church and for us to search for answers in his word, to use the Bible as the basis for truth and to teach that lovingly and openly, to be strong advocates for God’s biblical teachings so that we can shine as a light in every community and bring others to salvation through our words, our witness and our honesty.

I know there is a big divide among the church community and also the Gay community on what the Bible says about homosexuality.  I hear the arguments particularly those who say that only the Old Testament refers to homosexuality as a sin and it is taken out of context (e.g. refers to exploitation, child sex abuse etc.)  However, what about what the New Testament says?  How can you take these scriptures out of context, specifically Romans and Corinthians which to me are abundantly clear?

  • Romans 1:26–27 – Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
  • 1 Corinthians 6:9–10 – Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
  • 1 Timothy 1:9-10 – We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral, for those practising homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers – and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine
  • Jude 1:7 – In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire.

I believe strongly also in Timothy’s message (2 Timothy 4: 3-4)

For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather round them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.

What is amazing is that God will forgive us all our sins when we recognise that we are sinners, as Christians we are called to hold others to account and to lovingly support and guide each other so don’t just tell people what they want to hear, don’t try and be politically correct, don’t allow people to falter or stumble but through truth and love help them to come to know God fully and recognise his calling on their life

Proverbs 30:5 – Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.


OK so when you read the Bible are you one of those who’s liable to skip parts that maybe don’t sit quite right?  Maybe it frightens you a bit to admit that some of the things you thought were OK (like being gay?) maybe are not.  Perhaps you’ve never stopped to think what impact your interpretation may have on your relationship with other believers. Does it scare you that the Prince of deceivers may muddle your mind so you find that your ears switch off to the truth and you seek to soothe others with comforting words that hurtle them towards a life without Jesus?  Cos here’s the thing Jesus died to free us and in order to free us we must have faith and in our faith we must allow God to take centre place, and every word of God is flawless, we can’t live in a lawless society, we must take responsibility, follow God’s teachings, ensure our preaching is sound, grounded in his word, if we are to minister to those who are struggling, those who are reaching for redemption, we need to strengthen our knowledge of the Bible, stop skipping the bits that we think are not viable in this modern era where we seem not to fear the Lord as we should, study and pray so that we may understand God’s meaning and leaning not on our own understanding be upstanding in our conviction that God’s word is definitive, clear cut, no ifs, no buts, don’t shut your mind, ensure you’re well primed to use God’s word to support and affirm, to declare and proclaim the power of Jesus name and to bring to faith those who live in shame, let’s not be to blame for letting them fail, don’t be responsible for that first nail in their coffin, lovingly show them that Jesus seeks them to believe in him, repent of their sin cos in my experience there is nothing more confusing than Christians musing over the rights or wrongs of my calling, causing me to question my understanding and that is so demanding for a new Christian, it was hard when people didn’t listen, praise God he gave me a strong conviction to follow his path to salvation, so have compassion, love and understanding and above all be demanding of yourself, don’t sit on the fence for fear of causing offence.