Satan tried to win through tempting me with sin

Was reminded today of the need to praise and thank God at all times.  It really is great to praise and thank God.  I challenged myself to pray and thank God for 5 minutes without stopping.   I did repeat myself a few times but had enough verses in my “treasure chest” of verses that I could use as a basis for the prayer (it showed me that I do need to learn more praise and thanksgiving verses).  But what it really showed me was how great it is to thank God, how great it is to recognise all the fantastic things he has done for me and what he means to me.  I know 5 minutes doesn’t sound long so give it a go and see how great you feel afterwards!

Ezra 3:11 – With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the Lord: “He is good; his love toward Israel endures forever.” And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid.


You are good, your love endures forever, and what that really means is your love never fails, not like human love, not like the kind of love that depends upon their mood or whether they’re having a good day, your love is here to stay and may I never grow tired of thanking you for all you do, may I never cease to praise you for answered prayer, for showing me that you really care, for providing over and above, for showering me with the type of love that makes me feel safe and secure, a pure and perfect love, thank you for the peace you give, for taking away all my stress, for changing my life from a bit of a mess to a life of satisfaction, a life where perfection feels attainable, a life where all my shame has gone, thank you for giving us your son, your son who intercedes for me, who wants nothing more than for all to be free, thank you for looking into my heart, for setting me apart since before time began, for watching me as I grew in my Mother’s womb, for taking time to write out plans that are so perfect for me, for giving me a chance to reclaim the years the locusts have eaten, for not allowing me to be beaten by Satan who tried to win through tempting me with sin, but you trampled on him and put him in his place, turned your face towards me, you blessed me, thank you God for your amazing grace, thank you for saving me a place in your heavenly Kingdom where I will live for eternity, loved, cherished and eternally free.

I no longer reach for a blade, I reach for my Bible

Praises to God in the highest heavens today – I am celebrating the power of God’s love, mercy and grace as today sees me one year on from the last time I used a blade and self-harmed.  AWESOME, God is so good and I praise and thank him for being in my life.

This is a message for anyone who may be struggling with something in their life, God WILL make a way, never give up hope, never take your eyes off God and you will overcome

1 Peter 1: 3-5 – Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.


I have overcome, I no longer run from God, I run for God, I no longer hide in shame, I praise his name, I no longer reach for a blade, I reach for my Bible cos now I’m a disciple of my God who set me free, he loves me unconditionally and see he loved me while I was still messed up he helped me to clean up my life, to deal with life’s struggles in a new way so now I pray when things get tough, now I talk to God when life is rough, anxiety and stress are best given to God, anger once a danger replaced with a new calm because I know that my name is written on God’s palm, fear no longer comes near me and the enemy no longer deceives me cos my God looked down on me in mercy and gave me the victory, to him be the glory.

You see me tossing on the waves, saved but storm tossed

What a struggle the last few days has been, a battle of the mind, a battle of the enemy trying to get to me. I can recognise when I am under attack now which is a real step forward from the past, but it’s tough when the enemy tries so many ways to trick and deceive us.  I kind of recognise that there is a degree of testing going on too:  James 1: 12 – Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial

I rejoice that one day I will understand everything, I will see and understand God’s plans and his ways, but in the meantime I am going to praise God that he does have a plan for me and he is preparing me for that plan.  Let’s face it that’s clearly why the enemy is attacking me, he’s worried about my future because he knows I am going to be a danger to him and all I can say is AMEN to that.

1 Corinthians 13:12 – For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Isaiah 54: 11 – 12 – O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted behold, I will set your stones in antimony and your foundations I will lay in sapphires. “Moreover, I will make your battlements of rubies and your gates of crystal and your entire wall of precious stones.

James 1:5-6 – If any of you lacks wisdom you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given you, but when you ask you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind


What I see now is merely a reflection of what I will see when I finally meet you Lord, the love I feel now a mere taste of your love reserved for me when I see you face to face, what I know now cannot compete with what I will know then as my knowledge right now is only partial, yet you know me fully oh Lord, you know my every thought, you see my every movement, you hear my every cry, you hear my whys you see me tossing on the waves, saved but storm tossed, struggling to find comfort, my thoughts drown out the sound of your whispered love and I must refocus on Jesus, ask God for his word, believe and not doubt, I sing and shout in worship and praise, raise the volume higher as I defy the enemy, not going to let him get to me, his lies will wash over me, the blood of Jesus protects me, and see as I focus and listen closely I once again tune into God’s voice and I can rejoice that he never fails me and continues to build me.

I will not look back in anger

OK so truth is had a tough day yesterday and it’s so easy when looking back at the past to then dwell on it and what might have been, almost got to a “sliding doors” scenario in my mind last night, what could have been, what might have been, and also (sorry God) but I did get a bit angry about the past and maybe didn’t listen to my own advice or really absorb God’s word, but this morning God has flooded me with messages and I pray to work on this and really listen to God so that I can move forwards once more.

First message, woke up with this on my mind from God

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

Second message (I have a number of laminated verses and like to carry one with me, picked up one at random this morning)

2 Chronicles 15:7 – But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.’

Third message from a friend messaged me in a conversation first thing:

Philippians 3:14 I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus.

Fourth message posted on our Church Facebook page (sort of like a weekly thought)

Romans 15:13 – May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.


Even though I walk through this dark valley, I will not fear, for you are with me, you are near and I will not look back in anger, will not look back in pain or sorrow cos tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning and gradually I am winning back my confidence, my determination to build on the foundations of my faith and God does not waste anything, I am not defined by my past, I am prepared by my past, I am a product of God’s love and has he not commanded me, be strong, be courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for I am with you wherever you go, and I know he holds my future in his hands, my God is enough, what more could I need, so I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God called me, through all this confusion and pain I remain strong in the fact that God called me, he saw me floundering, saw me struggling and reached out his hand to me, so I have to see that God is good and would not abandon me now, however hard, however painful I know his angels watch over me, I know he shields and protects me, he fills me with joy and peace and that sure beats relying on your own understanding, stumbling along as your life falls apart at the seams, whatever God brings you to he will bring you through, whatever life throws at you you can beat it with God’s guidance, love and completeness and you can stay strong, you belong to Jesus and your work will be rewarded, he has thwarted the enemy, death is defeated, your salvation completed by his death on a Cross, so count not your losses or your failures, your Saviour offers you favour, fills you with hope by the power of his Spirit and now at this pivotal time in my life I turn my back on the strife and pain of my past, what do I gain through looking back, I press on towards the plans that God has laid down for me, I claim victory over my mind, death is defeated, conquered and crushed, I am an overcomer, a winner, and a redeemed child of the ultimate victor.

Love, not pity, not disgust, not horror, just LOVE

Wasn’t sure whether to Blog this today, however I think in order for me to move forwards and grow and be the witness God wants me to be I need to share this and this is going to help me keep in the straight and narrow and I can always refer back to this day to see how far God has brought me.

So yesterday hit a major low, I bought some Stanley knife blades, went home and in the bathroom just cut my arms and watched the blood fall into the sink.  Low, yes I told you it was a low.

I dropped the blade into the sink and it was as if all of a sudden I could see this as God saw it, blood, blade, messed up person doing messed up things but he looked at me with love, not pity, not disgust, not horror, just LOVE.  So I didn’t get it straight away, just messaged a friend had a text chat and started to feel calmer, but this morning WOW, God spoke to me strongly and lovingly and I can really see that I can move past this in order to grow with him, and even more amazing I feel today for the first time like I really can claim victory, I really will move forward now without this hanging over me God LOVES ME, he has forgiven me and he has claimed victory for me, so I am listening to his promises and I am turning my back on harming, and that is forever, watch this space and just see if I don’t, cos God is holding me in his hands right now, today, tomorrow and forever.


Thank you God for helping me see this through your eyes and seeing how just as this makes me cry, it makes you sad and thank you God that you are MIGHTY to save and have today given me this chance, rung the alarm bells in my head so that instead of grieving you and me, I can start to be everything you want for me, I can grow in confidence, and I am confident that this is it, confident in the prayer that I’ve received that I will no longer take a blade, no longer stray from the path you have for me, so take my life and let it be something amazing for you, may others come to know you through my witness, thank you for your forgiveness, your insight and the might of your power that is allowing me to claim victory, this is my story no longer a harmer, keep me safe in the palms of your hand Lord forever and ever.

So God saved us for freedom…

So God saved us for freedom, freedom from all our worries, cares and concerns, how much we need to hold on to this every day..

Galatians 5:1

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.


Back off Satan I belong to Jesus, whom shall I fear?  I know who goes before me, who has my back, who stands beside me and listen carefully, he’s a friend of mine, yes you hear me he’s my friend and ally who fights my corner, so I’m here to warn you Satan, I know that Christ has set me free, free from slavery, free from listening to your taunts and gibes, he turned the tide in my life and you clearly don’t like the stuff that he has done for me but I’m telling you now he has freed me from your clutches and I ain’t never turning back, ain’t never succumbing to your attack, so back off and back down, you’ve been overthrown and I have never known such love and such power as I do from my Saviour, never experienced joy like that he has given me, he is risen, he has saved me, there was nothing you could do to keep him there, nothing you could do to stop him declaring “it is finished” and with that cry you know what, the world changed, and that must have bugged you beyond belief, must have caused you severe grief to know that you will be defeated, crushed and conquered, my victorious God and Saviour standing at the gates of heaven, beckoning his children home, “she’s mine”, “he’s mine” for nothing you can do can separate God’s true children from his glory, nothing you can do can change my story for I belong to God and I am proud to sing his praises, proud to recognise his amazing grace his glorious gift of life to those who seek his face, I am comforted by his embrace, enthralled by his grace, excited to walk through those heavenly gates and serve my God from within his courts, for through his death he bought my ransom and let my anthem be “in Christ alone my hope is found” and may I seek to turn around the lives of others, so more shackles can be broken, let me be outspoken for my God and King, sing out my soul to him who took control and made me whole, may God use my witness, make me fearless, gutsy as I testify to the saving power of his sacrifice that gives us hope and gives us life.

I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you

It’s amazing how God will find the right time for conversations to happen and how through these he can start to bring healing to our brokenness.  Today, what started as a confrontational and heated phone conversation with my sister resulted in my telling her about my struggles and concerns and I believe that God started a healing process between us that is going to strengthen our relationship and start to bring healing to me.

This is my verse from God today:

2 Kings 20:5

 I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.


My tears flowed like a river, a numbness filled my head, then my eyes learnt not to cry not to weep, I struggled to sleep as the thoughts flew around my mind, am I defined by my brokenness, am I defined by my loneliness or can your holiness save me?

Can I be healed, can your love be revealed through me, can you use me, can you take this crushed soul and make it whole, can you see that I am crippled emotionally because I could not see beyond my own experience did not see that deliverance was available to me, did not hand my weariness to you or seek a heavenly breakthrough?

And yet you knew all that; you chipped away at me, you showed me what you wanted me to see, you opened my ears to hear, to catch what you wanted me to hear, you stayed so near, right here by my side, your arms wide open to gather me safely, you patiently waited until I was ready and then you buried my sin, came into my very being, freeing me from the pain, my aching heart, showing me that you can use me.

I am not defined by brokenness but by your healing touch, not defined by loneliness but as a friend of God, your holiness has saved me, I am healed, your love has been revealed to me and with your light shining through me you can use me, my soul heartened, my emotions fixed, I see your path, accept your deliverance, rest in your forgiveness and accept the significance of your heavenly sacrifice in changing my life, you heard my prayers, you saw my tears and despite my years in the wilderness you have kept your promise to heal.