Jesus running through my veins

I believe that the more I absorb myself in God and his word the more God centred I will be and then the enemy has no chance of getting anywhere near my thoughts and emotions.

Matthew 6:33  – But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.


Here’s what I want (and I make no apology for being so free in asking for me) I want to be God centred, filled from the inside out with the love of God, filled with his Spirit, living it out, Jesus reigning in me, Jesus running through my veins, I want to make Jesus the obsession of my heart, never apart, never separated from the love he gives us, I want to be so busy with God that I forget all my fears, no time for regrets as God gets all of my time and attention, best defence against the enemy a heart full of fire, a desire for God to be at the heart of my every decision, my vision is Jesus living in me, meeting all my needs, building my confidence so I no longer long for attention from the world, understanding my worth is from Jesus, taking him serious, oblivious to the lies of the enemy because God and his word fill me.

I consistently carry my cross and follow Jesus

I keep coming back to this scripture in Matthew, it’s on my mind a lot recently. I think there are so many elements to picking up your Cross and following God, really sacrificing your own plans for God’s and looking at areas of your life such as forgiving others, being humble, being grateful and how you live on a daily basis.  I know that I often think of my “Cross” as not having the relationship I used to have and yes that is a daily battle, but now I see it as much more and I purpose to think on how I can follow Jesus more closely and what areas of my life I need to change or allow him to work in so that I can be a better disciple.

Matthew 16:24 – Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

Philippians 3: 7-9 – Whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.


Forgiveness, faith, thankfulness, humility, my destiny depends on my ability to consistently carry my cross and follow Jesus, to be a reflection of God’s Kingdom, lay down my will, his will be done, embrace God’s plan with courage, for what was valuable to me is now worthless, in losing my old life I have found the life God created for me, my purpose now defined and now God starts to refine me, mould me and build me, it’s difficult but I must be willing to embrace rejection and suffering for the challenges will be rewarding , self-denial, God’s will before mine, it’s hard, it hurts but it works… the rewards of obedience far outstrip the sacrifices of this life, my faith will see me through, I endure the race to the end and with Jesus as my friend I now comprehend the price he paid for me so that I could be free, the pain he endured, his suffering outweighs anything I can feel, his sacrifice real, personal and individual, he died for me and so I pick up my cross and follow, no waiting for tomorrow for tomorrow never comes, I pick up my cross, for my loss is minimal compared to the gains, my reward an eternity of life without end.

God’s word was given to change the sinner

When you cry out to God he answers, like really answers and I find that so comforting and awesome rolled into one!  I was talking intently to God yesterday, all to do about my past, my choices and how difficult I found it sometimes to walk this path.  For those who read my Blog regularly my battle with Homosexuality is well documented, every so often the devil pokes his nose in and just taunts me, is this what God really wants for you, are you sure he needs you to take this path etc.  He may do this in my head or use others (Christians included) to plant the seed of doubt (so some say “do you really need to give it up, surely God still loves you”) and I was earnestly seeking God’s help and guidance on whether I had made the right choice – so here is the reference he gave me:

Matthew 7:13-14 – ‘Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

OK God, I get it, so the choice I made is right and from you, but you never said it would be easy so I’ve got to kind of stop allowing others to get at me, got to get my head straight, trust you, have faith that this is your path for me and move forward head held high.

Ephesians 5: 8-10 – For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.

Ephesians 6:10 10 – Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.


This is the way, find the gate to life and stay on that path, it’s the road less travelled, the narrow path, not easy to negotiate but always right, moving from darkness to light, and I may not understand now but I will, I will learn God’s purpose, he loves us and as we follow his commands he commands our lives, I believe, I receive, so I figure out what pleases God and then just do it, not always easy but worth it, keeping the momentum going, showing others the love of God, the changes in my heart as I walk his path remembering that his great power is behind me, my strength comes from him who saved me, Holy Spirit guide me to the truth for God’s word was given to change the sinner, not the sinner to change God’s word to suit their sin, God I let you in and I gave you my heart, set me apart from those who choose the highway to hell, let all rest well with me as I pursue your way, as I earnestly seek you day by day, calm my thoughts, protect my mind, hedge me in both from the front and behind, remind me of your great sacrifice, no matter how hard the road ahead I pledge my life, no longer dead to your amazing grace but trusting, believing and running your race.

I sit in your throne room praying from a place of victory

Wow powerful meeting last night with some massive insights into prayer and how much power we can build into prayer and how close we can come to God in prayer and it’s not about how anyone else prays it’s about you and God.  Prayer is where heaven meets earth – WOW that is powerful.  So really helped me see how I can change my prayer life and claim God’s power and promises over stuff in a much more effective, strategic and victorious way.

Matthew 28:18-19 – And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore….” 

John 20:21 – So Jesus said to them again, “Peace to you! As the Father has sent Me, I also send you.” 

Ephesians 2: 5-6 – even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus         


Prayer, where heaven meets earth, I sit in your throne room praying from a place of victory, it is finished, it was finished when you bowed your head on that Cross and took the punishment for us, it is finished and now I pray in security and joy, direct line to God above the enemy, I trample on his head he is defeated your Kingdom authority given to me, your will be done on earth, we are the enforcers of your victory, the watchmen taking on this divine assignment, never silent, never ceasing to pray day and night, what a privilege and our right to carry everything to God in prayer, releasing his glory on the earth, Heaven on earth, your Kingdom come, your will be done, praise to our Mighty Father prayer and praise, praise the place of God’s residence, Holy Spirit within us paving the way to his presence, I wield my sword in spiritual warfare knowing that God is there to show me great and mighty things that I have not yet seen, ready to lead us into battle for the battle is his and the victory secured, I look for the big picture, praying to a God who will do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine, a prayer warrior, powerful soldier of God, I go to the Sanctuary of God, I take his word, interceding and praying his will be done on earth, no longer mine to pray from earth to heaven but in victory my prayers from heaven to earth, I am risen with my Lord, seated with him in victory over the enemy, I am blessed with Kingdom authority.

God’s love…..Priceless

Following on from yesterday have still been reflecting on how I was feeling and was led to this verse in a book I was reading which resounded with me.  Matthew 5:4 – Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted

However the version in the book I was reading was from The Message

Matthew 5:4 (The Message) says – You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you, only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you

Now that is a Message from God.  I get that, I have lost a major part of my life, 16 years in a relationship which in God’s eyes (and mine now) was an inappropriate relationship, but 16 years none the less which was a very precious part of my life now changed beyond recognition.  Now don’t get me wrong I have no intention or desire to turn my back on God and return to that way of life but I do feel like I need to allow myself time to “mourn” that loss and to allow God to embrace and comfort me, allow God to teach me how to move forward and allow him to fully fill the hole that this has left behind.  God is showing me that he is all I need and I am learning how to trust him.


Lost, disorientated, alone

Not forsaken but mistaken, now awakened

Found, pardoned, welcomed home

Forgiven, settled, heart taken

Loved, treasured, embraced

God turned his face

Loss became gain

Gain nullified pain

No more shame

Blessed, baptised with flames

Spirit in me, mine to claim

New life rising

Like a lioness roaring

My soul is soaring

God drawing me close

Out of the shadow and into the light

Leading me on the path of righteousness

Moulding me in his likeness

Rewarding me for my faithfulness

God’s love…..Priceless.

What if I had been the perpetrator of the crime?

Been reading a book by Jennifer Rees Larcombe and have been struck quite deeply by her comments on forgiveness.  We need to actively seek to forgive those who have hurt us in the past, and sometimes we need to ask God to open our minds to who may still go unforgiven by us. This may take us aback a bit when we really seek in our minds for God to reveal areas of unforgiveness and yes, that resounds with me, since becoming a Christian God has revealed some areas of hurt that had been long buried and now I need to address how I can forgive, not just on the surface, but deep down in my heart.

Matthew 6:14 -For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you


Sliding doors, different story so what if it had been me dishing out the hurt and pain, what if I had been the perpetrator of the crime, a different place a different time, what if I had been the one and when all is said and done I am no better, for I too am a sinner, but what if I had been the one and woke up one day and said to God, God I am sorry please forgive me and God said well no actually you hurt me too much, you caused me pain, if you hadn’t done that my life wouldn’t be the same, the choices I made may have been different, my family relationships not so distant, my head space significantly better so you better just forget it, I cannot forgive you, I cannot let it go……

Whoa don’t go there, God not forgiving, God pushing me away when I just came to say sorry… so that’s not going to happen but teaches us a lesson, God forgives all, including the offenders who’ve offended me, including those who have hurt and abused me and he wants me to forgive them too.  For what power is there in unforgiveness just more pain, more hurt and bitterness, unforgiveness just hurts me but forgiveness, well that sets me free, forgiveness means I am forgiven so now I am driven to find a way to say to the perpetrators of the crime, I forgive you now, it’s time for me to let it go, it’s time to stop the rot, to show you just quite what I got when I got God, OK it’s hard to forgive, to really excuse the pain and abuse but I choose to forgive and I choose to move forward backing out of my corner of shame and regret and into the arms of the one who forgives and forgets.

I get to hear from God daily

Matthew 22:29 – Jesus replied, ‘You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God.

I am learning how important the Bible is and how as I study it more I am beginning to be able to pull on verses to help me in situations or to answer questions I have.  Came across this verse today, also quoted in Mark 12:24 and think this is so important knowing the scriptures also helps me to partially understand the great power of our loving God.  I just want to read more and find out more…


Let me introduce you to the Bible, it’s my reliable source of truth, my authority on all things holy, and the only way that I get to hear from God daily and that’s crazy, crazy good when I hear from God all the good things he has in store, the plans he has laid down for me and how he’s gonna help me achieve my potential, it’s essential for me I cannot contemplate being without his word, could never let the noise of the world keep me from hearing from my God, and I seek his advice on every aspect of my life, too many years spent apart where my heart closed down, my ears shut tight, but now I am right with God I seek him first and why wouldn’t you seek him with all your heart, for a start if you want the Lord to stand with you and strengthen you he has to have a chance to speak to you, ignorance is a choice, your choice to ignore his voice, let him talk to you through the Bible, everyone is entitled, there is no cost to reading his word but until God becomes the desire of your heart, you will keep looking to humans to meet the needs only God can fill, so take your fill from his word, use it to add power to prayer and do it now, sometimes later becomes never, and with Satan masquerading as an Angel of light it is right and proper that we know the scriptures for how else can we answer, resist temptation without God’s translation, God’s given us a foundation from which to stand our ground, on which all our hope is found, and though your flesh and heart may fail, God is your strength and your hope, the flower fades but the word of God stands forever, never be far from your Bible, don’t stifle your growth through lack of nourishment, God meant for us to have his word, every word as relevant now as the day it was written, as the day he died so you were forgiven, he gave it for you, think on, what else in this world can you count upon?