The eve of my brother’s funeral and it just feels to me like I’m going to a very dark place. Yet this morning I was reminded that in God there is no darkness at all. I was also reminded yesterday not to judge or second guess. Whilst outwardly my brother professed no faith, inwardly who knows what conversations he had with God, who knows what happened to him in his final days so I must remain open minded. I also know that it is important for me once and for all to forgive my brother for things that happened in our childhood. I am finding this probably the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, God calls us to forgive and I thought I had achieved that, but my brother’s death has brought it home that maybe I hadn’t forgiven him. I certainly hadn’t made my peace with him and I feel like maybe this is my last chance to put things right. I need God’s strength and grace more than ever to work this through.
1 John 1:5 – This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.
No darkness, nowhere to hide, no secrets, no lies, God’s light illuminating my heart, shining into the recesses of my mind to find those things that need addressing, the things that are continually messing with my head, things that should be dead to me now I have found the Lord, the scars that I cling to dearly, that I “nearly” handed to God but I found it a little too hard to truly hand over, he knows the pain, he collected every tear in his bottle, and now he calls on me to have the bottle to let it be, these memories did not create my identity, I am in Christ, a new creation, my frustration no longer relevant, I should not be hesitant in praying the Lords own prayer, forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me, once and for all my forgiveness releases me.