Jesus did not need a mask, he never camouflaged his real feelings

Realised yesterday that ultimately sometimes I am wearing a mask to try and fit in, maybe to try and show I am “good enough” to be a Christian, so rather than thinking that by saying I’m struggling or needing support I am weak, I am actually strong.  Strong enough to recognise that God loves me, he wanted me to be his child and he knew then and still knows now everything about me so I have no need to pretend everything is OK if it’s not and it’s OK to allow my weaknesses to show.  God loves us all and wants us, he knows all about our past and our sins and that’s OK with him

Romans 5:8 –  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.


I am a chameleon trying hard to fit in, wearing my carefully crafted mask so that when people ask what’s going on, are you OK, I easily say what I think may appease them, please don’t judge me for that’s the way I’ve always been, ready to slip into the background unseen and unheard and then the most absurd thing happened when I gave my heart to God he listened, he searched my heart, he understood the motives behind my thoughts and I ought to have known then that deception was untenable, no matter what my face is saying God knows what my head is thinking, masquerading is like shrinking away from the truth that God chose me to be his treasured possession out of all of the people on the face of the earth God chose me and there is no need to hide my weakness and  fragility, question my suitability to be his child, God doesn’t need me, he wants me and he wants me just as I am and I take heart from the fact that Jesus did not need a mask, he never camouflaged his real feelings, Jesus wept, no need to hide his tears, he had fears and when he got scared he got on his knees and prayed, no veil of “I’m OK” just an authentic reaction to events unravelling in his life and when he needed help he asked his friends to stay, no running away from the truth that we all need support at times and finally and most incredibly when I’m feeling like an outsider, an intruder remember this, Jesus hung out with the lepers and outcasts, he loved the downcast and the loner so I don’t need a persona, a mask, I am what I am and I am God’s child, loved, wanted and cherished just as I am, to God I am precious.

This the greatest gift you’ll ever receive don’t leave it in the manger

So Christmas is not a good time for me usually and that’s pretty sad cos now I am a Christian I realise how pivotal Christmas is to my faith and how I should be able to celebrate and enjoy without bad memories.  Interestingly throughout my years in the wilderness when I turned away from God I would always try to go to church on Christmas Day and always ended up crying, maybe subliminally I knew what I was missing but my eyes were not fully opened.  Now I plan to make new Christmas memories, memories and experiences that have God at the centre.

Unto us a Child is born, unto us a son is given

Jesus was God’s gift to me, Jesus, not just for Christmas but for all eternity, you see maybe we celebrate this once a year but the fear for me is that then we forget, we let the hype and excitement, the stress and the tension override the message that is deep inside Christmas, God gave his son for us, the greatest present ever, the greatest gift you’ll ever receive don’t leave it in the manger, don’t be a stranger three hundred and sixty four days of the year,  God did not give his son so that you could have a party, he did not sacrifice his only child so that you could go wild, he gave this gift so that you would be forgiven, no conditions, no strings attached so you see when God dispatched Jesus to be born in that stable he turned the tables on the world, he gave love for hatred, joy for sorrow, peace for discord, and as predicted in his word the baby born that first Christmas became a holy sacrifice, his life laid down for us, his life an offering to protect us from suffering, his gift to us love,  for God so loved the world he gave his only son so that whoever believes in him shall not die but live forever, treasure those words, keep them close to your heart, your God loved you so very much he gave up his own son who he loved so very much too, making you a child of God, a daughter, a son, a sister, a brother, there is no other love that can compare and it says it right there in John 3:16 if you believe in him you will not die, you will gain eternal life, to me that’s a life free of pain and sorrow, where I will look forward to every tomorrow and never reflect on a past of regrets and because of God’s immense and amazing gift, Jesus forgets your sins and welcomes you into his Kingdom, you have your freedom with Jesus, may this Christmas be one where your witness shines as bright as the star in the night, get right with God make him your saviour not just one day as you think of the baby in a manger but for the remainder of your days, he is King of Kings and is mighty to save.

Now I can say with joy in my heart Abba Father

So had an awesome encounter with God over the past 24 hours and it has given me a sense of real progress in my walk and maybe a bit of understanding of how God sees me… looking through his eyes.  So looked back at yesterday’s Blog just now noted I stated I had been a Christian for 9 months and today I was talking to God quite frankly about how I feel let down/cheated by my childhood and how I felt that those experiences led me to stray from God and to miss out on so much and here’s the picture God gave me.  He is giving me a new childhood, I have had my 9 months (in the womb as such) where he has been forming me and readying me for the world and now I am to enjoy a spiritual/new childhood, with him as my Father and surrounded by Christian sisters and brothers and I am learning all over again to talk, to walk in his way, to feed on his word and I am to allow myself to enjoy this time to rediscover a childhood for myself.

Psalm 139 – For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.                                                                                                                                   

2 Corinthians 5:17 – Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!

Romans 8:15 – The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba Father.’


When I became a Christian I didn’t know how to listen or (to be honest) how to talk to you God, I found it hard to think of you as a Father and I didn’t understand when other Christians called each other brother or sister, I didn’t get the picture of us as God’s children, his family, and funnily enough didn’t get the stuff about becoming a new creation, I simply felt an elation at coming to know you, at putting my sinful past behind me and the stuff about family well that came later.  As I learnt more about you I saw that you not only created me, but you knew me before I was formed and all the days you ordained for me were written in your book, and look here’s the thing, I have questioned why things were not perfect for me in my human family if you had plans for me, I desperately needed to feel like God was there for me despite the anarchy and chaos that surrounded me and that made me look deeper into your word, to try and figure out what happened to my childhood, so I could break the chains of slavery that had a hold on me, so I could banish the anxiety that childhood rears up in me, and I get it, I see that you gave free will to humanity and couldn’t protect me from the results of human frailty and you were there for me despite all the commotion and discord, the Lord of heaven and earth was beside me, you never forgot me or abandoned me and you cried for me, cried with me, you saw the pain and remained faithful to me when I pushed you away, I think about that every day and praise you God that you are now my family, and as an adoptee I have a new life to lead and now I can say with joy in my heart Abba Father, I don’t want to be apart from my new family, I have brothers and sisters watching out for me I am advancing, learning to be me a daughter of the living God, I have your word to follow and I have come out of the shadows, I no longer walk in the valley for you have rescued me, and now I am learning to talk confidently to my Saviour, adopting new behaviours, new actions and reactions, following your instructions, I am a new creation, and I will walk with you, talk to you, feed from your word and let it be put on record that the old has gone and the new is here, praise you Father for you have cleared the path for me to recover, discover that family means love, joy and peace, I am released from the chains of slavery, I am your daughter and I am free.


Studying affirmation at last night’s meeting and got me to thinking that maybe I need to look firstly at self-affirmation, never been strong on self-worth and think that in order to grow and be able to affirm others it would be good to look at myself and start to love myself just a little bit more.  Seeing the issues of yesterday as just a minor setback and moving forward today with God I have found a number of verses which help me to see how I look from God’s eyes, and yes that does look a lot different from how I look at myself. So there’s the lesson for me today, believe that I am worthy of affirmation and here is the truth about me….


I am a child of God, oh yes he is my Father and I am his daughter, and you oughta take notice cos my Dad’s the biggest on the block, he rocks my world and when he hurled those stars into space he already knew my face, he knew the plans he had for me, I’m not here to sightsee or for the ride, oh no, I am a friend of God and he decided long ago that I would overflow with his Spirit, and he meant for me to be more than a conqueror, a victor, a winner, yes OK so I am a sinner but through my repentance I have acceptance and I am filled with God’s joy, he employs me to do all things for him, he gives me strength, goes to enormous lengths to build me up and I was chosen by God, I am his handiwork and was hand-picked for his service, and in my life all things work together for good according to his purpose so dare to believe it, I am a special creation, one of God’s children and that’s affirmation.


I am a friend of God (John 15:15)

I am more than a conqueror through Christ (Romans 8:17)

I am a child of God (John 1:12)

I am God’s handiwork (Ephesians 2:10)

I can do all things through God who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13)

I am filled with God’s Joy (John 17:13)

I am chosen by God (1 Thessalonians 1:4)

Life with God, it’s not hide and seek

Was sent a group email today and at the bottom there was such an inspirational passage from the Passion Translation of the Bible, all about how Jesus is the one who leads us through our lives, he is a true Father to us (our heavenly Father who will never let us down) and he is in total control.  I have put this into my own interpretation below, I hope you enjoy this.


I never used to understand when you said Jesus leads me by the hand.  Leads you by the hand, like how?  But now, now I really get that part of life as a Christian, his mission, to direct me, my life in his hands, so Jesus leads me down the right path, and when it’s all too much, you know his loving touch, he carries me when I am weak, that’s right, he carries me in my weariness, supports me in my tear filled mist and when he has restored my strength once more, he supports me as I walk the walk, provides the words so I can talk of his great grace, his love restores my faith.

Jesus never fails to guide me, opening all the right doors so that I can see the way ahead, it’s not a game of hide and seek, he is strong yet I am weak, so he doesn’t delight in seeing my confusion, no, he wants me to come to the right conclusions, he is our Father giving perfect guidance to a beloved child, he is our guide, and one day we will understand how perfectly he has directed us, his choices for our lives revealing, he is unfailing in his desire to lighten our load, remove the shadows from our road, to provide light for our way and to see his choices for us prevail.

He never wants you to worry about your direction, your life is in his hands and check this out, his angels watch over us, protect and hold us, we will not stumble when we walk the paths he has chosen, never doubt him, he is not mistaken, (really you think God could make a mistake?), he’s no fake, he is our heavenly father who will never leave us or forget us, he never fails to hold us close, loves us as a precious child, for the blood of his son was spilled for you, his Holy Spirit lives in you, revealing the secrets of his will to make you strong and pure in your walk with him until he comes or calls you home, rest now and know you’re not alone.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind

I think that recovering from past hurts needs us to face up to those hurts and recognise the affect they have had on our lives. However that’s not to say I don’t believe in God’s great healing powers and am able with his support to face up to my “issues” and he can heal me

2 Timothy 1:7  For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.


Raised voices,

Screaming, shouting,

Small child reaching out,

Promise me you won’t tonight

Shouting, yelling, door slamming


Crying, sobbing,



Door opens, child stirs,

Creeps and peer down stairs



Pain is heavy

Silence pain with pain

Cutting, bruising