This is living…

I feel truly grateful that I live in a country where I can be a Christian openly, I have found a church with people who care and can support me through my journey, I can post my thoughts on this blog, read other posts or literature and learn and grow.

This is reflected in this poem.  I know that temptation will be put in my path and I need God’s help to handle that.  I have support and access to tools to help me, how much harder though for those who are unable to be open about their faith because of persecution?

THIS IS LIVING

Lord, I come to you today to say that I trust and obey you in every way, follow the path you lead me on, give my life freely to serve, never to swerve from my calling, never again to feel that I am falling or failing you in my actions, giving you the glory, telling others the story of your incredible selfless giving, through your living here on earth that all can have a second birth.

Lord I ask for your guidance and wisdom, thank you for my freedom to act for your kingdom.  I pray for those who are unable to openly follow you for fear of reprisal, whose only hope of survival is to serve you in secret, secluded, alone and scared of the treatment they will receive if indeed their faith is revealed to evil dictators.  Give them renewed strength and belief in you their creator, protect them from evil oh God our Saviour.

Lord I praise you for our hope in you, knowing that in all we do we have a God who’s fair and true.  We want to worship and praise you daily for your unending mercy, your brilliant glory.  You have saved us from destruction, through your resurrection we are guaranteed a remodelling of our lives, we thrive under your instruction and we are forgiven.

This is living, this is love, praise you Father, what you have done is beyond our comprehension, love of another dimension, unfailing love, divine connection, the face of compassion spanning earth and heaven.

I stand at the door and knock

A few months after I started attending church I was challenged by a preacher who spoke about allowing Jesus into every door of your heart, not just the front door. Basically I was holding back certain areas,  not quite ready to commit or reveal all to the Lord.

This is what led me to ask God to forgive me for my sins and to be born again and I have written this poem as a constant reminder.

To me I needed to walk the walk not just talk the talk!

KNOCK KNOCK

Knock knock.  I opened the door to my heart Lord, I opened it wide so you could come inside.

I opened the door to my heart, the front door, that’s a start, you have a place right there, in the hall.  What, you don’t just want to stare at these walls, you want to explore and see my place, to see the rest of my space to make things fall into place to bless me with your glorious grace?

OK, but some doors remain firmly closed, the hinges have seized, the locks have frozen, the windows are faulty, or is what I’m saying that I’m not quite ready to let go, to open myself up, to free my heart from uncomfortable issues (get ready with tissues), from habits I’ve formed, things I quite liked and I can’t quite decide if I’m totally ready to follow your biblical guide.

Knock knock, who’s there?  I needn’t ask, I know you’re there, I know I need to extend my hospitality.  In reality would I leave a friend out in the dark, or invite them in to park their backside on my chair, to eat their share, to enjoy each other’s company, talk, agree, disagree, become each other’s family?

I know the doors that need some oil, the hinges that need some toil to loosen the rust.  I know that I can place my trust in you, to invite you into every door, what’s more to hand the fear of surrender to you, to believe you the defender of our souls, will heal and mend and make me whole.

Knock knock, come in Lord, please look around, all doors wide open, no secrets to be found, I need your healing and your grace, I need to look you in the face and say to you I’m here, I’m me, thank you for saving me, thank you for opening every door, sharing my life forever more.

Trust

I wonder if others have the same issues with trust as I do?  In these my early days as a Christian I veer from fully trusting, confident in all aspects of my life to a bit of a confidence crisis e.g. over thinking things and worrying.

When I am at my strongest it is great and I know that I can put my faith and trust totally in God, but I have written these two poems to act as a prompt when I need them to remember that our God is a great big God and we can trust him implicitly.

TRUST

Why God do I find it so hard to simply trust that you know what’s best for me? Why do I allow my mind to ponder and why do I squander my energy on negative thinking, shrinking away from the simple truth of your word.  A problem is to be shared, prayerfully offered to you, everything I say and do should result from trusting that you have planned for my life. You promise to go before me and your presence with me throughout my journey should speak volumes.  Teach me to trust, I must obey you, nothing to be gained from anxiety, everything to be gained from quietly and faithfully entrusting my fears and concerns to you.

TRUST AND OBEY

One thing I’m yet to learn, is how to be still, empty my mind, unwind, leave behind my own fears and anxieties, stand out in this damaged society as one at peace with my choices and actions, having satisfaction that I am obeying your calling, following the plans ordained for me since time began.

When molehills become mountains, tens become thousands, whispers magnify to shouting, small fears mounting, brain recounting, escalating, intensifying, STOP……

Listen to the voice from outside the turmoil of my mind, a well-timed reminder that God never gives us more than we can handle, think of it from another angle, God promised that should we trust him he will deliver, our Father’s a generous giver of life in all abundance should we simply trust.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, acknowledge him in all your ways and he will direct your path.  God is strong, in him will I trust, I trust you Lord, I say you are my God.

Trust, have faith, believe, rely on the Lord my God, put all my fears into his hands, talk to him about my plans, listen to his feedback, be prepared to take a step back, regroup and once again declare my thoughts to God, unafraid to share, open to prayer, until there is a sense of peace at decisions made, to rest in the knowledge that I have obeyed.

So in all my ways I seek to learn, no, I yearn to discover how simple life will be when I simply trust and obey. Trust and Obey the Lord today, never to stray away from this empowering advice for life, simply Trust and Obey.

Ascension Day

On starting my online bible study this morning I was prompted that today is Ascension day.  I kind of knew what that meant but wanted to look more into it and have spent some time looking and thinking about this.  Here is the result of my thoughts:

ASCENSION DAY

The time had come for you to leave, to pass the mantle to your team,the disciples who had remained true, whom you taught and loved, to whom you revealed your resurrection and guided in the right direction, your holy selection of human imperfection, prepared to pick up their cross and follow you.

You ascended back to heaven, to your rightful home above.  Returning to your Father’s glory, re-joined the heavenly royalty, no one better placed to understand our human frailty, to intercede for us and send your Spirit to your servants, to help them teach the urgent and most awesome message of forgiveness, love and riches stored in heaven above for those who gladly call you God and serve you with unashamed love.

Old to New

Another poem written which kind of covers again the worry I had about my testimony which I have since addressed (this poem was written before my previously posted testimony poem).  I know now that I can use my past as my witness and am blessed to be able to address how I will share my new found faith with those I love and care for, friends and family alike.

Just to say since writing this only a few weeks ago, God has already blessed me with a number of new Christian friends, my facebook contacts are rapidly growing!!!

OLD TO NEW

My transition from old to new, from condemnation to salvation, my heart sings out in praise, I raise my hands to the sky, sing worship to my God on high.

Transition is a difficult phase, in truth, my challenge now, to raise awareness of my choice, use my voice, turn my past into my witness, be ambitious not inhibited, ready to share the message of forgiveness with family, friends and acquaintance.

So how to tackle the issue of coming out (once more), not a sexuality confession this time, but an expression of a changed obsession, my progression from darkness to light to possessing love and forgiveness and a certain promise of resurrection and eternal life in heaven.

Help me today God to follow your path, listen to your guidance in order to silence my internal fears of rejection from old and new.  May I learn to fit into my new life, feel comfortable that by your grace I am saved and may my spiritual journey be paved with new Christian friends to raise me up along the way.

Lord help me witness to those I know from my past.  Give me an inner strength, fill me with your Holy Spirit, make me fearless, untouched by any careless comments and unafraid of silence. May I recognise this is where you have called me to serve.  Help me not to swerve, or duck out of your calling, no more stalling or falling down for fear of earthly rejection.  Give me opportunities for connection, to give my friends direction that you may gain ground, make connections and may my testimony help others gain redemption.

What would you say if…

Having now come out within this Blog, in this post I would like to share a poem I would have loved to write to my parents many (30plus) years ago.

If you are ever in a situation where your child or family member rocks your world in any way, I pray that you will remember this poem and support, love, cherish and most importantly continue to pray for them

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?

What will they say, I am so scared, do you think they’ll be prepared for the multi layered complexity of what I will tell, should it cause them to recoil and say, surely our child cannot be gay?

I’ve heard them talk, I know their thoughts and after all they love the Lord, so this is not the time to say, Mum, Dad hello, I think I’m gay.

But then the dilemma, how can I go on, I’m sorry if I seem withdrawn but this is big, it’s huge it’s vast, it’s never going to go away unless I find the nerve to say, Mum, Dad hello I think I’m gay.

What will you say when your child speaks out, I urge you now to think about your response to this immense admission, so you will not fail in your recognition that love and acceptance are the answer not condemnation and opposition if you are to maintain open conversation.

My prayer for you is that you’ll find that you can keep an open mind, place your child in the Lord’s hands.  Don’t lose the relationship you once had for pride or shame or fear such as, what will the ladies say at church, what will my colleagues think at work, for after all what really matters is our God provides for every chapter and even if your life’s in tatters he holds you and your child so close and never ever will let go

In illustration of God’s glory here’s a glimpse of my story.  When I came out I felt so lonely and turned my back on all his teaching, never had much time for preaching, stopped attending church at all, didn’t realise quite how hard I’d fall.  But thanks to prayer and love and care, over many years he was always there whispering quietly in my ear, always ready to forgive and always ready to help me live the life he had planned for me, thank God you died to set me free and brought me back to life as me.

This is Me

Here is another poem I wrote about my sexuality

I’M GAY

I’m Gay (that’s a label, I don’t like it) but I guess in the big wide world that’s what I’m stuck with

I’m Gay, but hey me and God we’re dealing with it and that’s a special covenant just between us

I wasn’t born this way, but somehow got into it, when I was young, my wires got crossed, I went to church, but no one mentioned that stuff, I knew it was wrong (don’t ask me how) it wasn’t talked about, it was deep underground.

I’m Gay, but God loves me, he knows I’m a sinner, and when I turned back to him his arms opened wide, it made me feel so great inside, to know that my God never let go, never turned his back, didn’t judge or condemn, but waited patiently for his words to sink in, you are forgiven if you turn from your past, and hey now I know that I am saved at last

I’m Gay, that’s a label, please look right past it, don’t judge me, condemn me, or try to confront me, God and I we have conversations, I’m working it out and have my salvation