When I followed this path, I knew that at times it would be hard. The hardest thing for me is that lack of “closeness” to another human. Sure, I have friends, I still house share with my ex-partner, but I miss closeness, affection, an emotional connection.
I was reading in a book the other day about all things God is to us. Words like comforter, strong tower, father, brother, friend, saviour, redeemer, fortress, transformer and so it went on.
It’s important for me to revisit this and see how God fills this particular gap in my life. I need to challenge myself to go to God for my every need, not sit and bemoan the lack of closeness or lack of emotional support. If I turn to God first, there is no lack, he provides what is missing. It’s when I don’t turn to him, when I don’t seek his help that the loneliness escalates. It’s when I don’t turn to him that the lack of emotional support becomes an issue. When I confide in him, he provides.
Psalm 91: – He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day….
I live in your shelter, I live in your shadow, never far from me your shadow a reminder that you are close to me, my refuge, my place of safety, the place I go when I need to feel secure, that someone gets me, to feel the love that consumes me, and when I forget to seek your company, to talk to you sincerely that’s when I really feel it, when Satan tries to split my loyalties, to taunt me that I’ll never be happy, to point out all that I have sacrificed to goad me about my previous life, yet I can wield my sword, God’s word, my God delivers me from Satan’s deadly pestilence, I do not fear his words, his arrows of hatred are quickly deflected by this my shield of faith, my God is with me, he never leaves me or forsakes me, he comforts me, surrounds me, his perfect love drowns me, he is more than a friend, so much more than you could ever know, he promised me he’d never let me go, and my God is faithful, true to his word, my God fills every emotional need, he stepped into the void the day I first believed, his love exceeds my needs, exceeds my expectations, my God is the God of kept promises worthy of all my love and praises.