Sometimes I find it a struggle, when I look at others and see their lives. Those who are happily married or happily single. I suppose if I’m honest, those who have not had the struggles with same sex attraction that I have had as well as those who are somewhat oblivious to the impact a careless thought, word or action can have on me.
But then I think about comparison, why am I comparing myself with them? Why am I not comparing myself with Jesus? That way I am not going to get hurt. Comparing myself and my situation to Jesus will just highlight the good in me, the areas I need to address to move forwards and will help me over time, to see how he is changing me. I can never be the same as those people, I will never have the same life, the same family, the same encouragement, intimacy or emotional support in this world, but I know for sure I do have the life of Christ, I am part of his family, he encourages me, he desires an intimate friendship with me and he is my emotional rock. I need to fix my eyes on his promise to never leave me, to be my shield and my rock, to be my friend.
NOT THE SAME
I’m not the same, no shame in that, I just walked a different path, I look around and see that my path took me away from what was meant for me, my story unique and so so different, not worthy of comparison, what do they say, comparison the thief of joy, owning my story and loving myself through that process is my courageous act, admiring the beauty of those around me doesn’t necessitate questioning my purpose, the only one worth comparing myself with is Jesus, do I stand up to his standards, am I becoming transformed into his likeness, will I give myself a break, this road I’ve chosen is no mistake, God’s taking me on a journey, he adopted me into his family, emotionally supports me, encourages me to see myself as he sees me, now I strive to fix my eyes upon his face, to absorb his grace, facing up to the truth that I was never created to be one of the crowd, I am unique, memorable, confident and proud.