Now I grieve for I have no label

Having some problems seeing where I fit in. I am blessed in so much as I know I am a daughter of God and as such I have an identity.  But what I am struggling with is that I don’t fit into a particular sector or group in society.  I looked round my ladies group last night, every one of them a Mother or Grandmother.  Regrets there for me, where do I fit in?  I look at my non-church friends, those from my past, I no longer relate to being gay.  Where do I fit in?  When I’m at church I sometimes feel like the “misfit”.  I know that is more my thinking than the thinking of others, I suspect it’s Satan having a pop at me.  I have written about God restoring the years the locusts have eaten, I embrace that wholeheartedly, but part of me cries out, how can I be restored to become like everyone else.  I can’t go back in time and get married, have children, I can’t change my past.  My counsellor reminded me yesterday I should not be ashamed of my past because it’s what’s shaped me and God is going to use it for his glory and I accept that.  I suppose my message today is to ask you to be gentle with people in your church who may come from a less conventional background, sometimes they may be hurting and feeling a sense of disconnect, do what you can to help them feel loved and accepted.  (I’m sure you already do!)  Reaching out and checking people are OK costs nothing yet means so much.

  • Romans 12:2 – Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect
  • 2 Corinthians 5:17 – Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:11 – Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:14 – And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.
  • Galatians 6:2 – Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

NO LABEL

I had a label, it wasn’t permanent, it came off with some help, but now I’m left on the shelf, no label, no sense of where I fit in, I know that I have turned from my sin and from that perspective I am selected as a daughter of the King, my label “princess” maybe?  But look around, I see no crown, no dress, not like the rest, the girls who share their stories of Prince Charming who swept them off their feet, the children, the family, the love, the sense of belonging, today that’s what I’m longing to find, and as I write I want to underline the word lost, lost opportunities because of my sinfulness, lost love because of my frivolous lifestyle, and while I understand that I can’t turn back time, I find that my mind wonders to the “what ifs” of life, my mind rife with accusation because I succumbed to temptations that took me away from normal living, and yes I am grieving, grief for the life God had chosen for me, the husband, the children, the family, for some sense of normality, and now I grieve for I have no label, yet I still have my invite to God’s table, I still have a place laid for me, his banner still flies over me, and yes I grieve momentarily but now I must shake this off at all costs and see what God has chosen for me, no shame in a repented past, no disgrace because God’s grace has favoured me, I am part of his family, no greater honour so I must be stronger, draw on the inner strength of this new creation, stop trying to conform, be transformed through renewing my mind, be kind to myself as God helps me process.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s