Too uncomfortably numb to come to any conclusion

I am attempting to read the Bible in 90 days following a plan online.  I decided to make a note of any verses that jumped out at me each day and today I had four that stood out for me:

  • Exodus 19:5 – Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine
  • Exodus 23:20 – See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.
  • Exodus 23:30 – Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.
  • Exodus 33:14 – The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

So currently I am feeling a bit unsure about an area of my life and how I need to move forward.  In fact unsure is probably too weak a word I think a better word would be “tormented”.  Not sure if this is Satan taunting me or a matter of obedience to God and I really need some help and guidance from God for my future.  These verses do stand out though in showing me that obedience is important, God paves the way and will guide me to the place he has prepared for me, he will drive out the worries and concerns so that I can take full possession of all he wants for me and he is always with me and will give me rest.


Tormented, demented I feel like my mind is twisting and turning, am I learning to listen, am I blocking, afraid that what I hear will be too shocking to comprehend, am I on the mend or do I deceive my own mind, can I find your peace, can I feel your love surround me instead of this torment that’s drowning out all sound but that of a ticking time bomb?  Can I overcome or will I succumb? I am numb, too uncomfortably numb to come to any conclusion, am I suffering from delusion?  You know the plans you have for me, can you let me see, can you give me clarity, this is hurting me, tears stream down my face, I can’t seem to find the space to think, mind blinded by shifting messages, send me your messenger, give me peace, release me from this pain before I go insane, turning it over and over again, pause, rewind, listen, Father I bring this to you, quicken your hand, let me take possession of the land you have for me, let me feel security as you wrap your arms around me, let me pass this test my Father give me rest.


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