Battling an addiction is hard and having self-harmed most of my life it is a habit that has been hard to break. I have just checked back in my blog and today I have been clean from cutting for 120 days. First – PRAISE GOD… that is awesome I didn’t realise it had been that long… however it also looks like the enemy is aware too, he doesn’t like it much and has been trying to get at me, you see he knows our weak spots and has been taunting me, but despite this leading me to think about harming again I am still clean because my God is bigger and stronger than anything the enemy can throw at me.
So this morning 1 Thessalonians 5: 21-22 was posted on our church Facebook page, reminding me to reject all evil and hold on to what is good, so much good in my life now to hold on to and then received a message of support based on Romans 8 (also telling me to tell the Devil to sling his hook!)
1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 – but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil
Romans 8:37 – No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Exodus 14:14 – The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Life is a battlefield and right now there’s a battle in my head, sometimes the devil just knows the right buttons to press, like you don’t fit in, you’re alone, you won’t know love like that again, you don’t belong, and I long to be strong all the time, to put my hand in his face and shove him away, yet today my head dropped and I listened to his lies and I cried.
Go on cut your arm, there’s no harm, it’s not a sin, well not really a sin so think of the feeling, think of reeling from the pain, the release of endorphins in your brain, think of how it’ll make you feel, the numbing of your mind, the pleasure of the scars, my head drops again, I listen to his lies and I feel like I’m insane.
I turned to God in prayer, I know that he is there, I know that this must grieve him and I know I can believe him when he tells me that he loves me and his love is enough for me, don’t listen to the lies, don’t be deceived, I have received freely from my loving Saviour he now helps control behaviours that once controlled me, he died to set me free.
The battle is God’s, he fights for me, releases me of all the anxiety, speaks truth and love into my heart, protects me from the lies and hurt, help me God as I cling to your promises to remember that you never give up on us, your love given freely, you long to comfort me, release me from my insecurities, cleanse me from impurity.
So here’s my message to the enemy, go sling your hook, depart from me, I am more than a conqueror through him who loved me, I will not listen to your lies, I no longer require the blade of a knife to make me feel whole, God is my strength and my deliverer and I am now a mighty warrior, no lies will break me, no barriers will hold me back, not now I’ve got God watching my back.