OK so honest truth, feeling anxious this morning about counselling tonight, kind of feel like I’ve been wearing a bit of a mask and burying my feelings, if I don’t think about them they don’t affect me. But in reality there is still some hurt and stuff I need to ask God to help me with, does anyone else struggle with that? Like I know I have to ask him for help and to gain a forgiving heart but part of me is not ready to face what that actually means or what that will involve talking about. I worry about supressing these feelings rather than handing them to God and then God talks to me:
Exodus 23:20 – See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.
I know so often God has given me verses about being shielded and about his protection and I ask for that again today and even now as I write I have been sent a reminder of a verse from Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh without fear at the future, God sure is watching out for me.
Never thought of it like that before, never thought that God looked down on me to draw up a plan of action and then mobilise his angels into battle, protect my child here, lead my child there, shield her from all that causes harm, disarm the enemy and keep her in safety, protect her thoughts and memories and let her give them all to me. He knows the plans he has for me, he knows what I need to do, he wants to be my guide, don’t hide, don’t supress these thoughts hand them over to the Lord, he is faithful and true to his word, God loves me beyond all measure, he never wants to see me suffer, he offered his son to die on a cross so that I could have a joyous life, a life free of pain and free of shame, stop taking the blame for things that happened long ago, stop feeling low about situations that were not of my creation, shun all negativity and seize every opportunity to praise and worship my heavenly Father who is bothered. He’s bothered that I feel this way, he’s bothered that I’m failing to find a way to pass this over to him, he knows my thoughts and fears, he knows what’s bugging me so let it go because he already knows and he died so I could be free.