So here’s the thing, gave up self harming almost 4 weeks ago with God’s help (and still going strong praise God) however not going to lie it is really hard to break a habit, almost like my default position, so going gets tough my default position was self harm. Now the going gets tough, new default position is unclear and I am finding that tough. Don’t get me wrong I am not tempted to self harm, God has saved me from that path and I am strong in him, it’s just I don’t know how else to express my feelings and need to learn.
Last night God gave me this verse (awesome right)
2 Chronicles 16 v 9
For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
And this morning a friend messaged me and said she had Psalm 139 on her heart for me and verse 3 jumped out
You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am.
So that’s it God is always close, always seeking out those who need him so I believe he sees me, knows my struggles and is there for me at every barrier, every hurdle and I thank him immensely for that and it is something I can hold on to.
YOU SEE ALL THINGS
I am never out of your sight oh Lord, and no matter how hard things gets, the regrets, the what- if’s the sadness and pain that fills my head, you see me, you know me, you feel me. Your eyes range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed, and God I admit that I find it difficult to always let go, talk to you and let you know how I feel, I know I don’t deal with emotions the way that I could and maybe should but I’m hearing you, I’m hearing that your eyes are always on the go looking for those of us who need you in our times of weakness, you seek us out, you search for us and what an amazing image that conjures up in my mind, a kind and caring saviour, never resting or sleeping, never ignoring the weeping or crying of one of your children, always searching for signs of distress from those striving for you, ready to do whatever it takes to provide comfort, strength to negate our mistakes and Lord I commit my life to you, I may be weak, I may make mistakes but that takes nothing away from this bold, strong heart that never wants to be apart from you Jesus, never wants to feel sadness or an inability to laugh, I seek to always worship and rejoice, I am searching for my voice, I have a choice and I choose to turn my face to you, to work this thing through with God on my side, cos if you are for me who can be against me, so as I seek you today Lord I rejoice that you are seeking me too, I rejoice that my God walks by my side, I cannot hide from you and I ask you to guide me through, stay close by my side Lord today I pray, you are the potter and I am your clay.