Love, not pity, not disgust, not horror, just LOVE

Wasn’t sure whether to Blog this today, however I think in order for me to move forwards and grow and be the witness God wants me to be I need to share this and this is going to help me keep in the straight and narrow and I can always refer back to this day to see how far God has brought me.

So yesterday hit a major low, I bought some Stanley knife blades, went home and in the bathroom just cut my arms and watched the blood fall into the sink.  Low, yes I told you it was a low.

I dropped the blade into the sink and it was as if all of a sudden I could see this as God saw it, blood, blade, messed up person doing messed up things but he looked at me with love, not pity, not disgust, not horror, just LOVE.  So I didn’t get it straight away, just messaged a friend had a text chat and started to feel calmer, but this morning WOW, God spoke to me strongly and lovingly and I can really see that I can move past this in order to grow with him, and even more amazing I feel today for the first time like I really can claim victory, I really will move forward now without this hanging over me God LOVES ME, he has forgiven me and he has claimed victory for me, so I am listening to his promises and I am turning my back on harming, and that is forever, watch this space and just see if I don’t, cos God is holding me in his hands right now, today, tomorrow and forever.


Thank you God for helping me see this through your eyes and seeing how just as this makes me cry, it makes you sad and thank you God that you are MIGHTY to save and have today given me this chance, rung the alarm bells in my head so that instead of grieving you and me, I can start to be everything you want for me, I can grow in confidence, and I am confident that this is it, confident in the prayer that I’ve received that I will no longer take a blade, no longer stray from the path you have for me, so take my life and let it be something amazing for you, may others come to know you through my witness, thank you for your forgiveness, your insight and the might of your power that is allowing me to claim victory, this is my story no longer a harmer, keep me safe in the palms of your hand Lord forever and ever.


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