Sometimes you just have to say it as it is…

Hi God, it’s me and think it’s time I spoke candidly, you already know I guess that things in my head are such a mess and I’m trying with all my might to put things right, I’m spending time listening, but somethings blocking my enjoyment of your word, things are going unheard, cos my head is full of the past and I feel I need a blast of your great love and care to help me get back up there, back on a high where I can share in all the blessings you are giving out today, rather than feeling this way, you know what I mean God you’re in my heart, you know how far apart I feel from you and from reality, I look at others around me and feel like I’m an anomaly, I can’t cope the way they do and God I do, I really do want to be able to feel in control and I know you can make me whole, your healing is so much on my mind, your healing so I can find peace in my life, no longer trying so hard to fit in but finding it comes naturally, instead of anxiously considering my behaviour, turning instead to you my Saviour, handing back control to you in everything I say and do, allowing myself to be courageous in stopping all my controlling behaviours so that I can fully benefit from your sacrifice, from your gift of eternal life and enjoy the gift of direct access to you, it’s madness that I can’t hear your answers because I allow a blackness to envelop me, may today Lord be the start of my opening up my heart and allowing you to complete the work you have started, so I may never be parted from your great love, may I never fail to be in awe of your mercy and grace, I constantly want to seek your face and get myself to a place where I can start to feel straight, take away my pain and reign in me again.

Thanks God, I know you knew all that, but just getting it off my chest helps me to feel that I can rest safe in the knowledge that my God listens and you make provision for all your children, have a billion plans for me and you didn’t save me after all these years to sit and watch yet more tears, so I believe that healing will be forthcoming, there is nothing that you won’t do for me to help me find reality, make me comfortable in my skin, stop me from spinning out of control, heal me, love me and make me whole.

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