Have you ever felt a little empty, distant from God?

How quickly I forget.  So yesterday I wrote about Romans 8:18, so I should have kept that at the forefront of my mind.  After having a great and positive week and feeling on a high unfortunately my world came crashing around me again last night.  Long story, but for anyone who reads my Blog regularly you will know the challenges I am facing with turning away from my former gay lifestyle whilst still living with my partner of 16 years.  Whilst she has stuck by me so far there are huge pressures and at times, she feels immensely sad and confused by my choices, last night was one of those nights which meant late night, tears, anger, sadness and pain.

I cried out to God for comfort and his help, but felt incredibly empty.  A friend at church suggested I Google “when God feels distant” and I found an incredibly helpful article.

So basically I found a lot of insightful stuff including Psalm 13 and then an article which focuses on 1 Peter 1: 3-7 particular to my situation verses 6 and 7

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.


 My grief is only to be endured for a while, a temporary status, don’t know when it will end, why God sends me challenges and demanding situations, issues and exceptions, lack of explanations.

But I do know that it will come to an end, he has promised as our Saviour and our friend that he will never leave or forsake us, and that’s a promise based on trust.

So why do I suffer grief?  This is how I read it, it’s so my faith may be proved genuine, essentially a test of my loyalty, my allegiance, will I turn away from God at the first assault, will I falter under the focus of the sniper, will I fail to keep my strength, will I go to lengths to deny my God, or will I turn back to his word and become a beacon of light for the Lord, accepting his challenge to spread his word.

God has made a commitment to me, a promise “he is always with me” and I will trust in his good reasons for everything that I experience.  I am stronger through my understanding of God’s purpose in allowing suffering, new learning that makes me stronger, awareness of his grace in my life, his aim to fit me for eternal life.

I need to learn to respond biblically and not emotionally when trouble comes into my life, knowing that he takes our trials and tests and turns them into our testimony, takes our mess and turns it into a message, new life rising from the wreckage.



  1. I am supporting a ministry called Gay Christian Network (https://www.gaychristian.net). I would invite you to check out some of their resources. I raise this because a 16 year relationship is too valuable to discard like that. A personal belief in Jesus should be a wellspring in your lives. Institutional rules and regulations of the church can drive you away from God however.


    • Thanks have already taken a look and found some useful stuff on the site and the “debate”. Good news is that the 16 year relationship, whilst fragile is still hanging in there and I believe God will give us both the strength we need to work out a new life together, as with all things may take some time!

      Liked by 1 person

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