Since becoming a Christian I have experienced so many emotions and learnt so much with so much more to learn no doubt!
I wrote a poem very early on about being Gay https://newchristianmusings.wordpress.com/2015/05/13/this-is-me/
Whilst I still agree with most of what I wrote in this poem I have now changed my mind on one point. I do believe now that I was born Gay and accepting that fact has been really helpful in terms of the “shame and blame” culture of my mind.
Today I have written this:
I’M GAY (#2)
I’m Gay. Not a badge of pride, simply an aside. You ask me how I define myself, like when you stand up and say, I have a husband and three kids, you don’t say I’m straight, I’m heterosexual, you state the facts, you actually say I’m married or dating, not a badge, just a statement.
I’m Gay, how else can I define it? I realise now that it’s not to be ashamed of, it’s who I am and how I choose to deal with it that really counts, no need to flaunt it but flip it over, no need to hide in shame and blame myself for making someone else feel awkward.
God loves me, he always would have regardless of my choices, doubtless voices were raised in heavenly joy when I finally drew the right conclusion, released my brain of so much confusion, a profusion of delight that I had finally seen the light.
I’m Gay, that’s me, I have a partner, I’m working hard to show I love her in a new and different way, but staying true to my God (and believe me when I say it) can be scary, but this the Cross I chose to pick up and carry and contrary to what others may say, this is God’s way, his way for me, happy with my sexuality per se, recognising myself as Gay, but knowing how to live each day free from sin, free to win others hearts and minds, free to serve all mankind, free to worship my God on high, free to no longer live a lie.