I think my biggest challenge is to forgive myself for my past. Amazingly I know and accept that God has forgiven me, but I keep getting stuck at the point of forgiving myself.
I have read a load of blogs written by Gay people with Christian backgrounds, having been brought up in church as children but then having a realisation that their sexuality is contrary to the teachings of the bible . I believe I am not alone in saying that this confusion has shaped many of my past behaviours, my “issues” and how I am now still at times racked with shame and pain.
I need to get over this hurdle and am working hard to love myself a bit more every day and to move forward hand in hand with God turning my past into my witness, a service for God.
Don’t let your past define you, nor dictate who you are, simply let your past be a part of your ministry.
You can say to others take a look at me, I was far from God, I pushed those boundaries hard, but he declined to fail me, his love overpowered me, he took my sin and binned my debt, he never let me down.
So why should I define myself on past behaviours, thoughts and failings, God’s love for me prevailing?
My past becomes my witness to God’s awesome forgiveness, no matter how far you fall, how desperately you hide from him, his love will never dim, he never stopped calling your name, never doubted.
He embraced your shame and brought you safe to stay within his loving arms, coming to no harm, accepting of your sin, for you he sent his son and now your past defines who you will become.
Forgiveness I have from my Saviour, so now to challenge my own behaviour and attitude to my past, at last to forgive myself, to no longer dwell on what I was, I am changed.
This knowledge demands a rearranging of my thoughts, no regret, no shame, no more blame, I must now seek to draw a line, and with God’s help I will be fine.