My testimony, my sexuality confronted..

I was challenged just this week at my first ever prayer meeting (nerve racking yet enjoyable!) to prepare and then share my testimony with one other member of the group.

1Peter 3:15 

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..

Now for me sharing my testimony also means talking about my sexuality and my sexuality was a massive barrier for me in terms of ever having a relationship with God.  (As an aside I also still find it a massive barrier when introducing myself to other Christians, I know I shouldn’t fear rejection because God has not rejected me, but I do struggle with how to be more open about my personal life).

However through his great love and grace he has saved me, I have changed path, whilst I still define myself as Gay (a label I don’t particularly like) I am no longer actively Gay nor will I ever go back to that path as I have been saved (praise God!)

I still live with my partner of 16 years, who is not (yet) a Christian and who has and still is struggling with my change of path, however I believe through God’s grace we will grow and she will also come to know his love (prayers welcome).

Anyway, cut the waffling and to the poem I wrote as my testimony

TESTIMONY

I want to share my testimony, to share my story to let people know why I believe and what your sacrifice means to me.

I was lost, I felt alone, I challenged all that you made known, I wanted to prove that I was right, I wanted to walk within the light, but I was lost and feeling low, I felt there was nowhere to go to I was acutely aware that I was a sinner and nothing I did made that feeling grow dimmer.

So here’s my story, I am gay, I’ve made excuses along the way, I’ve sought to prove that it’s OK, that Jesus wouldn’t turn me away, but what can I say?  Through seeking to prove that I was right, I learned that to walk in the light I needed to reflect and respect your word, and now it seems so absurd that I ever questioned your teaching, reaching for reassurance that just wasn’t there.

I tuned my radio into a station, Premier Christian radio, the voice of hope and reason, where your word permeated my life, like a beacon lighting my way and encouraging me to further explore, through finding a church and walking through the door.

You challenged and guided, supported and chided, surrounded me with people who cared, showed me that to be one of your children I needed to make some fundamental changes, rearrange my priorities and as I fell to my knees and asked your forgiveness I felt your love and I felt blessed.

Now I’m growing and by your grace, I face life with a smile, no longer feeling things are bad, bemoaning things I could have had, no longer feeling uncontrollably sad.  In fact the joy I feel bursts from me, I am saved, amazed at your awesome love for me, outrageous praise I have for the outrageous grace you’ve shown to me.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “My testimony, my sexuality confronted..”

  1. For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. the Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father”. so, do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. this means old identities no longer apply. do not identify with the past, but look to what God has made you, and identify with it. you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Be blessed.

    Like

  2. I believe Jesus is at the door knocking and we must be the one to answer it, and let Him into our life. While we are all sinners, we must strive to leave our sinful lifestyles behind us.

    I will not insult you by saying I know how you feel as that particular sin is not one I have ever struggled with. Believe me, there are a number of other sins out there that I have battled with, and still do.

    Once we recognize what sin is, we need the Lord’s help to overcome our attraction to our past sins. Satan makes it seem insurmountable to us. However, Jesus can help us overcome anything!

    May you hold on to Jesus, and walk the narrow path on the way to eternal life. – Amen

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s